Wonderland
by RobinRocks
Summary: Light Yagami awoke to white walls. Screaming. Written for LxLight Club's Alternate Ending contest. Onesided LightxL.


Wonderland

Light Yagami awoke to white walls.

_Screaming._

In bed. In a hospital gown. Nurses – a male and a female – grasping him, pushing him back to the bed, restraining him. The female nurse put her hand on his forehead, threaded her fingers in his fringe, rocked him back and forwards gently without saying anything.

His scream died; replaced by gasping, shallow breathing. He clutched at his chest, fists grasping handfuls of the thin cotton clothing him.

"—_Shot_," he managed to get out, his chocolate eyes wide and almost unseeing. "Shot… I was shot, and then… the Shinigami… R-Ryuk, he…"

The nurse holding him hushed him gently; glancing up at her colleague.

"You'd better go and get him," she murmured.

The male nurse nodded and briskly left the small white room.

"…I'm _alive_?" Light asked breathlessly, not particularly speaking to the nurse.

"Of course you're alive, Light." The nurse let go of him gently, helping him sit up properly in bed by propping up his pillows behind him.

"I survived." Light looked down at his body in wonder.

The nurse said nothing, only looked at him sadly; though was spared watching him pityingly for much longer when the door opened and she turned towards it.

"_Doctor_," she breathed, sounding relieved.

"Again?"

She nodded, tight-lipped; sparing another glance at Light, who was inspecting himself for bullet scars.

"…He said something about being shot."

"Alright. You may leave us."

Another nod, and she slipped silently from the room, closing the door behind her.

"…Light-kun?"

Light hadn't paid any attention to the doctor who had just entered prior to this bid for his attention; but now his head snapped up, his eyes wide.

"_You_," he choked, pressing himself against the headboard. "…_L_."

The doctor – tall and pale, with wild dark hair and tired, oblivional eyes; all in white, white shirt, white tie, white coat – tilted his head; then gave a small sigh and sat on the edge of Light's bed.

"Light-kun—"

"You're dead." Light was shaking his head in disbelief even as he uttered it. "You're… I made Rem kill you… _you're dead, L_!"

"No, Light-kun." L shook his head gently; but his tone was firmer. Exhausted, too – as though he'd discussed this with Light Yagami a hundred times before. "I'm not dead, and my title is not L – it's Doctor Lawliet, as you can no doubt read on my nametag. …The nametag you've seen every day for the past three years."

"What… what is this place?" Light gasped, starting to panic again. "Is this _Mu_…?" He curled up, hugging his knees to his chest, his eyes wide and terrified. "I don't want to stay here, L."

"You _have_ to stay here, Light-kun. Here _not_ being "Mu", of course." L looked at him tiredly. "Rather, you're in Teganuma Mental Institution– the same place you've been for the past three years."

"_No_!" Light cried in desperation, lurching forward towards the doctor. "You're lying! I'm not supposed to be here! This can't be right, this… this is just a hospital, because I was _shot_…!"

"_No_, Light-kun." L shook his head wearily. "No, you were not shot. As I have explained to you many, many times previous to this, you have created an alternate, imaginary world inside your head which you continuously retreat into." The doctor flipped through the sheets pinned to the clipboard he was holding. "Look, I have it all here – everything you've ever told me about this world, beginning approximately three years ago – two weeks after you were admitted here and placed under my care."

He read down his handwritten notes for a long moment himself in silence.

"It's understandable," he sighed eventually, looking up at the boy again, "but it's also not real, and I _have_ to make you understand that, Light-kun. It's my job to help you separate fantasy from reality – my job to make sure you know what this world in which you are "Kira", a self-elected godlike figure with a notebook that can kill with only a name and a face, is not real."

Light let out a quavering breath, but said nothing.

"In many ways," L went on, flipping back and forth between notes, "it's very impressive – the detail of this world you have created for yourself is amazing. The power of your mind is astonishing, Light-kun, but, unfortunately, I think we can agree that in this instance, the brilliance you possess is the cause, not the cure."

"If I made it all up, then why were _you_ in it?" Light spat, his eyes narrowing.

"I have no idea." L offered him a small smile. "Though I am flattered – even if you grew frustrated with the presence of my detective counterpart and had me killed off—"

"_Don't_!" Light wailed, pulling at his auburn hair in despair. "Stop lying! I didn't make it up! I know it sounds crazy, Shinigami and Death Notes and… b-but I'm not mad! I didn't make it up! It's real, it's all real, and I'm going to be god of this new world!"

L raised an eyebrow.

"By killing people?"

"That's the attitude that got you killed," Light hissed venomously in reply.

"…Light-kun, I understand your obsession with death and with criminals, given the circumstances, but—"

"No, no more lies!" Light interrupted. "Can't you leave me alone and stop gloating? Near won – your heir beat me, what more do you _want_, L?!"

"For you to accept that there _is_ no Near," L replied softly, "and that there is no Shinigami, no Kira and no Death Note."

"Why should I believe anything a ghost says?" Light snapped, huddling up again.

"I'm not a ghost, Light-kun; I'm your doctor."

"You are, you _are_ a ghost; the ghost of a detective, not a doctor. I knew you were a liar, L, but really – did you expect me to believe this?" Light curled up miserably. "Leave me alone. Go away, ghost."

L got up.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone for a while. You seem to have calmed down a little, at any rate."

Light lifted his head again as L opened the door, clipboard under his arm.

"I want my notebook," he said suddenly.

Soft. Pleading.

"There is no notebook, Light-kun." L couldn't look at him anymore. "Please, if you believe nothing else I say, believe that."

—

"He's as bad as ever," L said bluntly, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly.

The lawyer across the desk from him pushed up his glasses, frowning.

"I thought you might say that," he replied. "But I felt I should inquire anyway."

"How is the trial going?"

"Slow, but progressing, I suppose. As you know, it's a complicated case, so…"

"Yeah." L opened his eyes. "Well, Light Yagami couldn't have a better attorney on his side than Teru Mikami."

"You're too kind," Mikami replied dryly.

L gave a frustrated sigh.

"…He keeps asking for that blasted notebook," he said after a long moment of silence.

"The one you took away from him months ago?"

"The very same." L was shaking his head. "…It's bad enough that he created a world in his mind in which he kills those who he deems unworthy by writing down their names in a notebook, but I won't stand for him doing it in the real world. Well, writing down the names of criminals, anyway – we both know his "Death Note" doesn't really exist, so he hasn't ever actually killed anyone, but even so…"

"No, I know, and I agree." Mikami leaned back in his chair. "…Poor kid."

"Well, that's entirely it, isn't it? I don't think he's ever going to be alright ever again, not after seeing that, and when you take that into consideration, his imaginary-world killing spree is perfectly understandable, but it's the imaginary world that makes him even more of a 'poor kid', because he thinks _that_ is the real world and this… well, this is a dream or an afterlife or merely an extension of the imaginary world."

"Yes, you mentioned that he thought he'd been shot and that he was in hospital for the wounds."

"His "wonderland" sounds like a terrible place," L said blandly, "but… it's a world where he has the power to take action against people who do the sorts of things that made an orphan of him."

"As I said," Mikami agreed, "it's a complicated case – hence why it's still dragging on three years later. Sure, the long and short of it is that three guys in masks broke into the Yagami household in November three years ago, gunned down Light's parents and sister right in front of him, inexplicably leaving him alive, and then fled the scene, but… of course, when you remember that his father was Soichiro Yagami, Chief of the NPA, and you learn that the three murderers were working for a crime syndicate Yagami had leads on regarding a big-league cocaine deal…" Mikami ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair. "…It starts getting pretty messy."

"I do wonder why they didn't kill Light," L said quietly. "There wasn't a scratch on him, apparently; he was just severely traumatised. Of course, he's been that way ever since… but still, it's very strange. Does it make him very lucky… or very unlucky?"

Mikami said nothing for a while.

"His parents were alive in that imaginary world, weren't they?" he murmured eventually. "And his little sister?"

"Yes." L gave a nod. "I believe tragedy eventually befell them all, but… no matter Light's actions as Kira, they were proud of him. They loved him." He paused. "It's interesting, however… that he created alternate versions of both his family and others that he knows in the real world, and yet also created an entire "cast" of people that exist only in his own head. Misa Amane, Ryuk, Mello and Near, to name but a few of the created personas. In fact, the number of imaginary people far outstrips the number of alternate versions of real people. Aside from his parents and sister, there were only two others he recreated."

"You and I," Mikami replied. "You as a detective attempting to stop him, and me as one of his helpers."

"Well, I understand your role," L pointed out mildly. "Whilst you, as a dedicated servant of the law, would never agree with Light's ideals as "Kira" in the real world, you _are_ helping him, by handling his family's murder case." The doctor scratched at his black hair bemusedly. "…Mine is a little more difficult to figure out."

"Maybe because you took away that notebook?"

"…Maybe."

Mikami gave a small smile and rose, picking up his coat.

"Well," he said on his way out, his tone a little airier, "just as long as you don't start fancying yourself as the world's greatest detective, I think we'll be alright."

* * *

Maybe the strangest of it all was the way in which the boy lapsed in and out of believing in his wonderland; when L looked at him now, the gleam of "Kira" was not in Light's eyes.

Maybe it would never come back.

But then again… he'd hoped for that every other time he'd seen Light slide fully back into reality, but it had never stopped him from slithering through his grasp once more.

Imagined or not, the power of Kira was a drug to Light Yagami, and it was a habit that he just couldn't break.

"Can I bring you anything, Light-kun?" L paused beside the boy's bed, looking down at him.

It was late; past eleven at night, and the doctor had come to check on his patient once more before heading to his office to do some paperwork.

Holding his knees to his chest, Light shook his head silently; he was gazing at something invisible across the room, yet his eyes were unfocused beneath spikes of unkempt auburn hair.

"Are you sure?" L pressed, determined to get a verbal answer from him. "Something to read? A drink?"

Light shook his head again, not uttering a sound.

L gave a silent sigh; he wasn't always like this. He was often very vocal, sometimes even cheerful. L liked him best at those times, but…

Of course, he had to make allowances for the boy's condition.

"Alright." He gave up. "Goodnight, Light-kun. Sleep well."

Light grabbed his hand as he started to walk away; the grip wasn't strong, but there was something both urgent and desperate about it, something that made L stop, turn towards him.

"Yes, Light-kun?"

Light took a long, shuddering breath.

"Don't go," he murmured finally, under his breath; he wasn't looking at the doctor, his eyes cast down towards the bedsheets. "Please don't leave."

"Light…" L dropped the honorific, sinking down onto the edge of the bed; still with Light's fingers wrapped loosely around his own.

"Everyone leaves eventually, don't they?" Light gave a sigh, then finally lifted his head to look up at L, a faint but real smile on his face. "…Everyone leaves you."

"…I won't leave, if you don't want me to." L didn't know if that was the answer Light wanted to hear, given that they were both talking about two very different kinds of leaving; but it was all he could offer him. "If you want me to stay with you, then I will stay."

Light didn't answer for a very long time.

"I'd like that," he said finally, his voice barely audible.

"Alright, then." L touched Light's hair gently and stood up. "Just excuse me for a moment so I can go and get my work. I'll be right back, I promise."

He headed for the door again, Light's hand trailing away from his; the boy rested his head on his knees when the contact was broken.

"I love you," he said as L opened the door; making the doctor stop and look back at him.

"That's why I killed you," Light went on, his voice lifeless, his face still against his knees. "…So you could torment me."

"But then… surely I left you, Light-kun?" L asked softly.

"No." Light's shoulders shook, but L couldn't be sure if he was crying or laughing or… "Dying isn't the same as leaving. You never left, L. You never, ever left me. That's why I love you."

"That makes no sense."

Light shrugged.

"What does it matter? You're the only thing I have left." His voice caught. "…_You're the only one who cared enough about me to ensure that I didn't die alone._"

And whether it was in that warehouse with the ghost of a detective standing before him, or in this hospital room with a silent, white-clad doctor at the open door, the sum of the two of them, alone in emptiness, was still the same:

L Lawliet was all Light Yagami had left in the world.

* * *

This was originally written as an entry for the LxLight Club's 'Alternate Ending Fanfiction Contest' over at DeviantART.

As it happens, I didn't win, but I don't think had a hope in Hell of winning anyway, given that although I submitted it to the club a week before the deadline, they didn't enter it into the competition. Go figure.

I did manage to get one vote, though. Thankyou, **UnsolvedEnigma**. :)

Anyway, to be fair to Ohba and Obata, I actually quite liked the ending of _Death Note_ (though I prefer the anime ending, to which I made reference, to the manga version); and, to be honest, while the criteria of the contest was to write your own ending for the series because of the WTF-factor of the original… I actually think THIS – if it had been the real ending – would have been far more likely to have had people going "WTF?!111!!11!".

"…Uh, yeah… and then it turned out this entire well-crafted, brilliantly-written, meticulously-planned, totally-original manga/anime was in fact JUSTTHEDREAMOFSOMECRAZYKIDINANASYLUMLAWLZ!11!11!".

Yeah… I don't think that would have gone down too well. But still… it was fun to write.

Regardless, it is thus named 'Wonderland' after Lewis Carroll's _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_, given that shewokeupanditwasalladream…

:D


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